party balloons.

Today I got a text message from my GBFF. It said:

"So is it endearing when a coworker sets up an office birthday celebration in the break room and you ask whose birthday it is and she says it's for another coworker whose child died as an infant 6 years ago and wants you and everyone else to sing happy birthday to the lady, and when you point out how that's probably deeply uncomfortable for the others and not exactly a workplace appropriate thing she tells you about her own child that died as a baby 23 years ago and begins crying uncontrollably while blowing balloons." [yes, he should have put a question mark at the end.]

I explained to him my feelings on this topic which go far beyong something I could type back in a text message on ye olde iPhone.

I think society has made it so easy for us to tell the world all our junk. Don't get me wrong: I blog, tweet, facebook, what have you. I put my random thoughts out into the world. But there comes a point where too much is said. When something you would have kept to yourself and quietly grieved over twenty years ago is something you are blowing up balloons for at work. I knew a girl on Facebook who had twin babies who died after they were born. Very sad, yes. Something she should have POSTED PICTURES OF ON FACEBOOK? Absolutely not. I don't even know if it's something I would feel comfortable writing about on facebook if it were me. But that's a personal decision, one that, granted, she's entitled to make. But there comes a point where people are just flat out uncomfortable. If it's a post about your child dying, people can either send their condolences or move past. But I think it's far too personal to put those pictures up. And way out of line to celebrate your child's death at work. Honestly, would you celebrate your living child's birthday at work? Of course not. Truth be told, we're all a little too comfortable with each other. Where's the mystery? We now live in a world where you can get a picture of someone's privates texted to you while they're sitting at work (that hasn't happened to me...just saying that's too true these days). People asking their so-called friends on facebook if they also take off their shirt when they go poop. Who needs to know this? And as open as I am, even I don't post this stuff on facebook. Here's my advice: keep it to a minimum. If you post pictures of food, make it food that looks really damn good. If you tell people about your day, feel free to leave out how many BMs you took. If you want to check in somewhere, don't make it so people can stalk you throughout the day.

On second thought, maybe I'll start tracking my cycle for everyone to see.

Failing.

Apparently Geminis are known for starting projects and not finishing them. Maybe that's just an excuse, but that is totally me. Like how I've been knitting a scarf for over four years now. One scarf. (it's green with red flecks and reminds me of guacamole.) I keep telling myself I'm not finishing because I don't know how to end the scarf, but truth be told in four years it's not long enough to be a scarf.

So what is it with me and failing? Do I just have a creative mind that fails to see things to fruition? I would never have thought I was a quitter. I hate quitting relationships. I've fought long and hard for friendships when they clearly should just be dead. I didn't quit school. Any of the times. High school, undergrad, even grad school. I didn't make poor grades. In fact, I excelled in most of my classes. But there are things I do that I just fail at. The or weighing on me right now (no pun intended) is getting healthy. I started logging everything I ate and all the exercise I was doing. Then I went on vacation. I walked a lot and ate a lot. And in the month since then, I just can't seem to get back on the wagon. I want to lose weight, I want to eat right and work out. I relish the burn of working out. But my bed is much more inviting. A cupcake more exciting than veggies. How does one go from failing year after year at something to making a change for good?

I want to be healthy going into my 30s. I want to date and think I look good. I want to be confident, more than just intellectually. And I want people to think I'm cute without thinking I'm a cute pregnant girl. I don't want to fail at this.

So here's to riding my bike when I get home from work tonight. Instead of taking a nap. I guess sometimes the only way to stop from failing is to succeed on day at a time.