Today I got a text message from my GBFF. It said:
"So is it endearing when a coworker sets up an office birthday celebration in the break room and you ask whose birthday it is and she says it's for another coworker whose child died as an infant 6 years ago and wants you and everyone else to sing happy birthday to the lady, and when you point out how that's probably deeply uncomfortable for the others and not exactly a workplace appropriate thing she tells you about her own child that died as a baby 23 years ago and begins crying uncontrollably while blowing balloons." [yes, he should have put a question mark at the end.]
I explained to him my feelings on this topic which go far beyong something I could type back in a text message on ye olde iPhone.
I think society has made it so easy for us to tell the world all our junk. Don't get me wrong: I blog, tweet, facebook, what have you. I put my random thoughts out into the world. But there comes a point where too much is said. When something you would have kept to yourself and quietly grieved over twenty years ago is something you are blowing up balloons for at work. I knew a girl on Facebook who had twin babies who died after they were born. Very sad, yes. Something she should have POSTED PICTURES OF ON FACEBOOK? Absolutely not. I don't even know if it's something I would feel comfortable writing about on facebook if it were me. But that's a personal decision, one that, granted, she's entitled to make. But there comes a point where people are just flat out uncomfortable. If it's a post about your child dying, people can either send their condolences or move past. But I think it's far too personal to put those pictures up. And way out of line to celebrate your child's death at work. Honestly, would you celebrate your living child's birthday at work? Of course not. Truth be told, we're all a little too comfortable with each other. Where's the mystery? We now live in a world where you can get a picture of someone's privates texted to you while they're sitting at work (that hasn't happened to me...just saying that's too true these days). People asking their so-called friends on facebook if they also take off their shirt when they go poop. Who needs to know this? And as open as I am, even I don't post this stuff on facebook. Here's my advice: keep it to a minimum. If you post pictures of food, make it food that looks really damn good. If you tell people about your day, feel free to leave out how many BMs you took. If you want to check in somewhere, don't make it so people can stalk you throughout the day.
On second thought, maybe I'll start tracking my cycle for everyone to see.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Failing.
Apparently Geminis are known for starting projects and not finishing them. Maybe that's just an excuse, but that is totally me. Like how I've been knitting a scarf for over four years now. One scarf. (it's green with red flecks and reminds me of guacamole.) I keep telling myself I'm not finishing because I don't know how to end the scarf, but truth be told in four years it's not long enough to be a scarf.
So what is it with me and failing? Do I just have a creative mind that fails to see things to fruition? I would never have thought I was a quitter. I hate quitting relationships. I've fought long and hard for friendships when they clearly should just be dead. I didn't quit school. Any of the times. High school, undergrad, even grad school. I didn't make poor grades. In fact, I excelled in most of my classes. But there are things I do that I just fail at. The or weighing on me right now (no pun intended) is getting healthy. I started logging everything I ate and all the exercise I was doing. Then I went on vacation. I walked a lot and ate a lot. And in the month since then, I just can't seem to get back on the wagon. I want to lose weight, I want to eat right and work out. I relish the burn of working out. But my bed is much more inviting. A cupcake more exciting than veggies. How does one go from failing year after year at something to making a change for good?
I want to be healthy going into my 30s. I want to date and think I look good. I want to be confident, more than just intellectually. And I want people to think I'm cute without thinking I'm a cute pregnant girl. I don't want to fail at this.
So here's to riding my bike when I get home from work tonight. Instead of taking a nap. I guess sometimes the only way to stop from failing is to succeed on day at a time.
So what is it with me and failing? Do I just have a creative mind that fails to see things to fruition? I would never have thought I was a quitter. I hate quitting relationships. I've fought long and hard for friendships when they clearly should just be dead. I didn't quit school. Any of the times. High school, undergrad, even grad school. I didn't make poor grades. In fact, I excelled in most of my classes. But there are things I do that I just fail at. The or weighing on me right now (no pun intended) is getting healthy. I started logging everything I ate and all the exercise I was doing. Then I went on vacation. I walked a lot and ate a lot. And in the month since then, I just can't seem to get back on the wagon. I want to lose weight, I want to eat right and work out. I relish the burn of working out. But my bed is much more inviting. A cupcake more exciting than veggies. How does one go from failing year after year at something to making a change for good?
I want to be healthy going into my 30s. I want to date and think I look good. I want to be confident, more than just intellectually. And I want people to think I'm cute without thinking I'm a cute pregnant girl. I don't want to fail at this.
So here's to riding my bike when I get home from work tonight. Instead of taking a nap. I guess sometimes the only way to stop from failing is to succeed on day at a time.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Review: Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher
I heard Asher speak about this book at the Texas Book Festival back in October. He was on a panel with three other authors speaking about banned books and he talked about how this book was banned for bringing up the topic of suicide. “Bringing up” would be putting it mildly. School brainiac, but all around nice guy Clay receives a box of tapes in which he is named as one of the thirteen reasons Hannah killed herself. Now I’m not giving away the plot; that is written clearly on the book. He is a part of her story and he has no idea why. He had a crush on Hannah and he has to listen to the tapes in order to figure out his role in her death. It becomes one of those situations where he has to choose whether he can live with himself for knowing or live with himself for not doing what she requested. So Clay chooses to listen and walks around town listening to the tapes and following the map she left. Hannah names off thirteen people and speaks directly to them on these tapes. Her narration is mixed with Clay’s actions, thoughts and feelings as he listens. The dichotomy between the two is a good balance between Hannah’s acerbic tone and Clay’s pain and melancholy over never getting to know Hannah the way he wanted.
First things first, Clay is a likeable guy. He doesn’t have a ton of friends, but he’s a nice guy. People do talk to him and know who he is. He’d gone to some parties, he sees people around town he knew. Hannah is at times a bit frustrating, but just when you begin to think one thing about her, she pretty much says exactly what you’re thinking to the people on the tape. Yes, suicide is selfish. And yes she knows she could have asked for more help. Somehow Asher understands these teenage characters (both male and female) completely. He knows what his readers will be thinking as they’re following Clay in his journey. Poor Clay was heartbroken and wants to know how he could have done a thing to make Hannah feel unwanted. And like Clay, the reader wants to know why Clay is included on the list. We all want answers. Asher’s world is one that makes sense to a reader. I told my fifteen year old cousin I got this book and she told me how much she liked it. He doesn’t make a class that’s untouchable. He doesn’t provide characters that aren’t relatable. We all have the kinds of feelings of loneliness, helplessness, betrayal and hurt that his characters feel. We might not have them to the degree Hannah does, but they are easy enough to identify with. And you feel bad for Clay as he throws up on the sidewalk. You want to shake Hannah just like he does. Ultimately, you don’t just see things through his eyes, but feel it through his heartache. And by the end, I’m glad Asher kept Clay true to his character, real to what his actions should be if Clay were a real person.
I got the special edition of the book that has an interview with Asher in the back. In it, he said he first just wrote Hannah’s side, the voice on the tapes without Clay’s reaction as they were being told. I am so glad he went with changing it because like he says, you get the immediate gratification of knowing exactly how and what he’s feeling. It’s much easier to feel it with him because you know you’re not alone in your own feelings. Suicide is tough and losing someone you really liked it just as hard. I think Asher deals with it in a way that is smart enough to show the pain of both sides - Hannah and Clay. To me, Asher proves that you don’t have to be in high school to remember the agony high school can bring and the consequences of not having an outlet to deal with it. I’m blessed to have read this book. It did make me wonder how I would have thought of it all differently if I would’ve read it as a high schooler myself.
First things first, Clay is a likeable guy. He doesn’t have a ton of friends, but he’s a nice guy. People do talk to him and know who he is. He’d gone to some parties, he sees people around town he knew. Hannah is at times a bit frustrating, but just when you begin to think one thing about her, she pretty much says exactly what you’re thinking to the people on the tape. Yes, suicide is selfish. And yes she knows she could have asked for more help. Somehow Asher understands these teenage characters (both male and female) completely. He knows what his readers will be thinking as they’re following Clay in his journey. Poor Clay was heartbroken and wants to know how he could have done a thing to make Hannah feel unwanted. And like Clay, the reader wants to know why Clay is included on the list. We all want answers. Asher’s world is one that makes sense to a reader. I told my fifteen year old cousin I got this book and she told me how much she liked it. He doesn’t make a class that’s untouchable. He doesn’t provide characters that aren’t relatable. We all have the kinds of feelings of loneliness, helplessness, betrayal and hurt that his characters feel. We might not have them to the degree Hannah does, but they are easy enough to identify with. And you feel bad for Clay as he throws up on the sidewalk. You want to shake Hannah just like he does. Ultimately, you don’t just see things through his eyes, but feel it through his heartache. And by the end, I’m glad Asher kept Clay true to his character, real to what his actions should be if Clay were a real person.
I got the special edition of the book that has an interview with Asher in the back. In it, he said he first just wrote Hannah’s side, the voice on the tapes without Clay’s reaction as they were being told. I am so glad he went with changing it because like he says, you get the immediate gratification of knowing exactly how and what he’s feeling. It’s much easier to feel it with him because you know you’re not alone in your own feelings. Suicide is tough and losing someone you really liked it just as hard. I think Asher deals with it in a way that is smart enough to show the pain of both sides - Hannah and Clay. To me, Asher proves that you don’t have to be in high school to remember the agony high school can bring and the consequences of not having an outlet to deal with it. I’m blessed to have read this book. It did make me wonder how I would have thought of it all differently if I would’ve read it as a high schooler myself.
Review: How To Say Goodbye in Robot by Natalie Standiford
My BFF was desperate to read this book so I had it shipped to her house from Amazon so she could go ahead and get it delivered instead of just talking about it. She read it quickly and then passed it on to me. With a review on the back cover singing its praises by Libba Bray, how could I pass it up? BFF just kept telling me to read it, but left it very vague. I was curious…
This book was beautifully heartbreaking. In it, Jonah and Beatrice meet each other at school, but exist together in a world of their own making. Their world is made up of late night talk radio, prom trips to the beach and parties that neither of them really belong at. It was weird because I really wanted to love both of them. Maybe it’s my age showing and I just can’t handle that much incessant neediness, but it seemed like Jonah completely takes Bea for granted. She has a chance to make friends, have a normal life, but she’s held captive by Jonah for whatever reason. And I guess at one point in my life I was much like Bea – completely infatuated with some selfish boy. But I so badly wanted her to succeed and be happy in her life. And as much as she gives gives gives, Jonah kind of lets her down. Don’t get me wrong, Standiford completely writes Jonah so you feel sorry for him. And Bea even has her moment when she tells him off, explaining how he’s selfish and how she’s been the great friend. Without giving away the end, I was a little disappointed. I wanted more of a reason to love both of them.
Maybe that’s the point. Not everyone gets a perfect ending. Some characters aren’t written to be flawed in an endearing, broken way. Some are just flawed because they are just human. And like humans, these characters can disappoint us. Jonah just reminded me of someone I used to know and I guess that made me a little like Bea. I am still a little on the fence about this one, but it definitely made me feel something.
This book was beautifully heartbreaking. In it, Jonah and Beatrice meet each other at school, but exist together in a world of their own making. Their world is made up of late night talk radio, prom trips to the beach and parties that neither of them really belong at. It was weird because I really wanted to love both of them. Maybe it’s my age showing and I just can’t handle that much incessant neediness, but it seemed like Jonah completely takes Bea for granted. She has a chance to make friends, have a normal life, but she’s held captive by Jonah for whatever reason. And I guess at one point in my life I was much like Bea – completely infatuated with some selfish boy. But I so badly wanted her to succeed and be happy in her life. And as much as she gives gives gives, Jonah kind of lets her down. Don’t get me wrong, Standiford completely writes Jonah so you feel sorry for him. And Bea even has her moment when she tells him off, explaining how he’s selfish and how she’s been the great friend. Without giving away the end, I was a little disappointed. I wanted more of a reason to love both of them.
Maybe that’s the point. Not everyone gets a perfect ending. Some characters aren’t written to be flawed in an endearing, broken way. Some are just flawed because they are just human. And like humans, these characters can disappoint us. Jonah just reminded me of someone I used to know and I guess that made me a little like Bea. I am still a little on the fence about this one, but it definitely made me feel something.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The Theatahhh
I will totally admit I'm a huge geek. I love books, board games, being silly most of the time. And most of the time I prefer to be home with friends instead of out at a bar. It's just more comfortable for me. And as someone who wholly appreciates a good pair of flats, clearly I care about my comfort.
But I completely geek out about theater. The first time I went to NYC, I saw three shows in a day and a half. [Phantom of the Opera, Rent, and Mamma Mia.] And of course I thought Roger from Rent was going to see me in the second row and realize he lived me and ask me to stay and we'd love each other and spend our New York days passing strangers on the sidewalk and our nights discussing the strangeness and comfort found in New York strangers. But we didn't fall in love. I fell in love with the theater even more than before. I love Les Mis on stage. I took acting lessons as a child which I'm certain just led to my over dramatic flourish in life. But there's something amazing and beautiful in a stage play that movies can't capture. The raw emotion of no outtakes just takes over me. I've seen Wicked in the West End and traveling to Dallas. I saw my Degrassi crush in Spring Awakening. I saw Spamalot. The lion King on Broadway. Gypsy. Next to Normal. I want to take them all in, all the time.
But for now I'll settle for my own dramatics and Les Mis with my lovely parents for Christmas Eve eve. I'm such a lucky girl.
But I completely geek out about theater. The first time I went to NYC, I saw three shows in a day and a half. [Phantom of the Opera, Rent, and Mamma Mia.] And of course I thought Roger from Rent was going to see me in the second row and realize he lived me and ask me to stay and we'd love each other and spend our New York days passing strangers on the sidewalk and our nights discussing the strangeness and comfort found in New York strangers. But we didn't fall in love. I fell in love with the theater even more than before. I love Les Mis on stage. I took acting lessons as a child which I'm certain just led to my over dramatic flourish in life. But there's something amazing and beautiful in a stage play that movies can't capture. The raw emotion of no outtakes just takes over me. I've seen Wicked in the West End and traveling to Dallas. I saw my Degrassi crush in Spring Awakening. I saw Spamalot. The lion King on Broadway. Gypsy. Next to Normal. I want to take them all in, all the time.
But for now I'll settle for my own dramatics and Les Mis with my lovely parents for Christmas Eve eve. I'm such a lucky girl.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Random Acts of Thanksgiving
Ever since moving to Austin (and even a bit before that), I started feeling very compelled to do volunteer work. I don’t know what it is because I’m usually lazy and generally a bit skittish of strangers. Whatever, I’ve been feeling bolder and, while I don’t have a lot of extra money lying around, I feel like I should do something because I do have so much. I’ve looked at about a billion ways to help out, from small to monumental. Honestly, sometimes I asked myself why I would even consider some of them, but maybe the point is to do something that really pushes me (i.e. volunteer at the animal shelter – I’m not known as an animal lover…or liker). I went online like any normal person would these days to find some things that interested me or that I would be able to even do. I could call out bingo to old people on the phone! But what if they got confused with the B and the G and I just starting yelling at them? I could travel across town carrying bags of blood. Um, maybe not? I could go to disabled people’s homes and do repair work. Am I really handy? I could volunteer to work feeding and cleaning up after miniature horses. Miniature horses!? How cute! Oh, but they poop.
Once I got to Austin, I got involved with two organizations I’m pretty passionate about. One takes me back to high school when I participated in it myself. It’s called Youth and Government and it’s through the YMCA. They do mock government where people can run for governor, write bills, participate in trials or even work on the newspaper. It was such an amazing experience for me in high school and I made great friends from it (including my friend in Austin who I’m volunteering with). They have a district competition and then state competition at the Texas Capitol. What an awesome way for me to get back in to something that made me so happy way back when. The other is a program called GENAustin (Girl Empowerment Network). They go out to schools and other girl groups to do workshops and club meetings to talk about topics that relate directly to girls: body image, communication, and healthy relationships. The training has been fun (who doesn’t love to pretend to be a sixth grader again!?) and I have met some great gals from it. I just hope I can work it into my schedule since most of it is during the school day.
So…Since November is the month for giving thanks and it seems like everyone on my Facebook is giving a daily update with the things they are thankful for, I decided to celebrate my thanks by doing ten (or more) random acts of kindness this month. I made a list of some things to try out, from simple to more difficult. It will require dedication, but not much time or money. I think sometimes just a sweet note can really brighten up someone’s day/week/month/year. I know it has in my experience. So check back in and I’ll post my random acts (hopefully with pictures!) and the results I get from them.
I am doing all these acts because I’m thankful for: an amazing family led by some awesome parents, my friends who I love so dearly because they make me laugh and cry and enrich my life, my apartment that provides me quiet comfort, the car I drive that’s almost paid off, a job that allows me to live my life in the fashion I do, the freedoms we experience in this country, the grace I’ve been extended, and books that keep me warm at night.
Once I got to Austin, I got involved with two organizations I’m pretty passionate about. One takes me back to high school when I participated in it myself. It’s called Youth and Government and it’s through the YMCA. They do mock government where people can run for governor, write bills, participate in trials or even work on the newspaper. It was such an amazing experience for me in high school and I made great friends from it (including my friend in Austin who I’m volunteering with). They have a district competition and then state competition at the Texas Capitol. What an awesome way for me to get back in to something that made me so happy way back when. The other is a program called GENAustin (Girl Empowerment Network). They go out to schools and other girl groups to do workshops and club meetings to talk about topics that relate directly to girls: body image, communication, and healthy relationships. The training has been fun (who doesn’t love to pretend to be a sixth grader again!?) and I have met some great gals from it. I just hope I can work it into my schedule since most of it is during the school day.
So…Since November is the month for giving thanks and it seems like everyone on my Facebook is giving a daily update with the things they are thankful for, I decided to celebrate my thanks by doing ten (or more) random acts of kindness this month. I made a list of some things to try out, from simple to more difficult. It will require dedication, but not much time or money. I think sometimes just a sweet note can really brighten up someone’s day/week/month/year. I know it has in my experience. So check back in and I’ll post my random acts (hopefully with pictures!) and the results I get from them.
I am doing all these acts because I’m thankful for: an amazing family led by some awesome parents, my friends who I love so dearly because they make me laugh and cry and enrich my life, my apartment that provides me quiet comfort, the car I drive that’s almost paid off, a job that allows me to live my life in the fashion I do, the freedoms we experience in this country, the grace I’ve been extended, and books that keep me warm at night.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
drink love.
i saved this picture ages ago from some blog i read (i guess that's where i got it...) but i just love it. they're just mixing up some martinis. or cosmos. or whatever.
it makes me think of all the random drinks i had in college (good and bad) and the best summer of my life where the roommate and i went to hang out with boys and drink every night after i got home from work. and then we'd go drink and dance on the weekends. that's the summer we started drinking sprite and hyptoniq.
these cosmos look pretty tasty though. i had some pom martinis once that were pretty tasty. thanks, oprah, for sharing that recipe with the world.
so what's your drink of choice?
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